Thunderous applause erupts as I join in, clapping enthusiastically.
Suddenly Justin Timberlake taps me on the shoulder and whispers, just to me.
JT: It’s you. You just won the Oscar!
JT: You just won the Oscar! Get up there, girl!!, he says as he twirls me around, and points me toward the stage.
Realizing the magnitude of the moment that I clearly didn’t hear, I turn to give JT a hug while simultaneously high fiving Sandra Bullock, George Clooney & Matt Damon. I then gallop down the aisle…screaming like a mad woman.
I trip up the stairs into the arms of Ben Affleck who graciously hands me Oscar with a kiss on the cheek. I hug him, too. 😉
My “imaginary acceptance speech” begins…
(Big Sigh) WOW! This is amazing (as I look at the Oscar in my hand). Helloooo there, golden guy. I have missed you. Helloooo Hollywood!! I swear I haven’t been drinking… yet (chuckles from the audience).
Clearly I’m in shock (waving myself with the envelope). Good Lord, I’m hot… as in overheated (audience laughs with a close-up on Tina Fey). This is too much. Thank you, God! Thank you. I’d like to thank my fellow nominees, directors, producers and anyone who had anything to do with this film. WE share this together.
To my hubby, the impersonator, by being married to you, I am “dating” Chewbacca, Rocky Balboa, Tom Jones, Elvis all wrapped into one. To my oldest, Brady… since when did you grow up? Now that you’re taller than me, I look up to you, literally. I am amazed daily by your curiosity, artistic nature in many areas and impressed by the fine young man you are becoming. Oh Casey….(large sigh) you put the “OY” in JOY. You can easily fill a room with laughter, just by being YOU. Seriously, once a person meets you, they will NEVER forget you. 🙂 It also appears your sweet Baby Sister is following in your footsteps. McKenzie…you are the miracle we never knew we needed. We learn daily about the true meaning of life through your eyes.
To my dear girlfriends…who accept me…all of me, flaws, falls, Murphy’s laws and all. Hey! I made a rhyme this time 😉 I may be a Dance Teacher but I’m also clumsy and scatter-brained at times, which always provides a little humor for our girls’ nights out. (I point to Justin Timberlake with a little wink). My last spill — beer spill that is — was at your concert, JT. They always say “If you stumble, make it part of the DANCE” … Oh and Dance I will! (start an impromptu dance with Ben Affleck on stage).
Sorry. Couldn’t resist. 🙂 To my family; mom, dad, brother, in-laws, aunts, uncles, Grandpa T (Big Al!), cousins and all. I feel so blessed to have all of you in my life. What a wonderful mix of personalities and life stories to be surrounded by. I am inspired by each and every one of you.
I’d also like to thank my iPhone. (chuckles from the audience). Yes, my phone. You are my “window to the world.” You have brought more people into my life from all areas of the world that I could ever imagine. For a social person like myself, I find joy in social media, Facebook friends, Twitter, and now a whole new world of blogging moms. As long as I use my “window to the world” responsibly (don’t text and drive) and don’t miss the authentic moments in front of me, I’m good. I choose to focus on the positive of it all, like this moment. (Grab phone from inside my dress and turn around to take a picture with myself, the Oscar, Ben and audience in the background.) Some people like “Selfies” but I like “Usies” so everyone…smile… 1, 2, 3. (I click camera, then look at phone). It’s a keeper! Thanks, folks.
Music starts playing….
Wait!… I’m not done. Matthew… McConaughey? Where are you? (I scan audience, spot him, and blow a kiss his way) Great movies this year my dear… I know that this is YOUR year to win. By the way…did you know that you are my island person? As in if I had to choose anyone to be on a desert island for one year, you’re my choice. Why? You seem very outdoorsy and fun…plus you’d probably be pretty cute in a loin cloth…. (giggle) (Close-up of Mathew tipping his imaginary hat towards me).
Music getting louder…
Ooohhh running out of time… Thank you to everyone who has ever touched my life in anyway… because of YOU, I am the person I am today… Embrace the Good and Release the Bad from your life…
In the words of the Oscar-nominated song from Disney… “Let it Go!! Let it Go!!”
Thank you! Gracious! Merci! I love you all!! (Blow kisses to everyone).
Wait! Justin. Will I see you back in the “D” this summer?! Ellen DeGeneres? Are you backstage? I need a dance partner! Ellen?!! (Ellen peeks from behind the curtain and joins me on stage)
Crank the music up…. Let’s DANCE!!!!
(Ellen & I dance off stage as audience applauds)